Ron Artest's Favorite Soccer Team

Superman holding a beer bong?? IS NOTHING SACRED!?

Last week we brought you the sad news of an Iraqi soccer player who was shot in the head as he dribbled towards goal in the dying seconds of a game. While we continue to search for more information on this shooting, we have yet another entry in what could soon become a recurring segment on The Gripe.

General Lamadrid trailed home team Barracas Bolivar 0-3 60 minutes into a tense matchup of Argentinian Division C squads (read: Not as good as Division A or B, but better than all flavors of G). The 61st minute of the game would not be played, as all 18 Lamadrid players (starters AND substitutes) were issued red cards. 18 simultaneous red cards.

Lamadrid substitutes and coaching staff were seated directly in front of the home fans, who felt that their nearly unimpeachable 3 goal lead allowed them some leeway to taunt their weaker opponents. Did the Lamadrid players and coaches throw a chair a la Bobby Knight? No.



Did they flip anyone off? No.

Vick is so fast that a camera can't keep all of him in focus at once.

(sidenote: Flipping off fans is seriously lame. At least have the balls to yell "F--k you!" out loud. At least have the cajones to come up with something creative. I call on all sports owners to provide their teams with Sharpies and poster paper so athletes can start putting some thought and creative energy into their taunting. We, the fans, work our asses off to come up with creative puns. We deserve more than the finger.) (Double sidenote: It is OK to flip off people who makes signs that highlight ESPN or ABC but aren't smart enough to come up with a 4-word or 3-word phrase that starts with the right letters. Every Summer hoPe reNews is a shitty sign, Yankees fans. And no, I'm not saying you made that one. But it fits your current philosophy) (Triple sidenote: So does: Expensive Signings Poop Nachos, or Aj Burnett Chokes, or Arod Buys C... well, you get it.)

F-----------------k you.

Lamadrid substitutes went straight into the stands to confront the offensive fans. When the players on the field noticed this diplomatic gesture, they immediately left the field to join in the peace negotiations, which immediately descended into a chaos not seen in Argentina since... Monday?

Here is the only video I could find:


Now, in baseball, a fight is never really a fight (Just kidding, Nolan Ryan. Please don't headlock me). It's more like the pitcher took the last cupcake and everyone on both benches really wanted it. So they all run out to the mound and, since the logical place to hide a cupcake is in the mouth, everyone tries to put their fist as close to the pitcher's mouth as possible. It makes sense, really. Everyone knows baseball players love cupcakes.

The T isn't for Texas, it's for Mr. T. Because he's a fighter, see?

In the NBA, a fight usually involves a lot of posturing and posing. Rudy Tomjanovich may disagree, but it's true.

Why do both teams have the same socks?

The infamous Pistons-Pacers brawl in 2004 is a notable exception. But even then we're talking about just a few suspensions and "Jermaine O'Neal interven[ing] by slide-punching Haddad in the jaw." Slide-punching? I think that's how Michael Jackson fights. I still remember the classic Ninento game Michael Kombat: Up-down-up-down-A-B-A-B was an unstoppable slide-punch/Jesus-juice combo.